Life is just crazy, can I get an Amen?
With each new season comes a new realm of experiences, trials, and joys. We all get that. So I decided to take a minute to share some things with you about these last several months. Let’s start at the top and I’ll go from there.
This past spring, Leo asked me to be his wife (!!cue excited squeals!!). This step of engagement has been crazy, hard, and good. It’s truly a season of enjoyment. The problem is that I didn’t expect hardship. When I thought of engagement, pretty flowers, white dresses, and cake tasting came to mind. While those things are part of it, there’s so much more in this season. The wedding day is the first day of my marriage! A marriage that will last for as long as we both shall live! So which one is more important to prepare for- May 13th or a lifelong marriage?
To be frank, this season is hard.
I’m going to give you the inside scoop on my engagement season thus far:
After the initial giddiness came a wave of reality.
everything I need to learn to do
traits I should have as a wife to Leo
ways I need to grow spiritually and emotionally
for your entertainment, we could get into specific thoughts
…can I use Lysol on this surface..?
so you’re telling me this was supposed to be dry cleaned..
how does one pay taxes?!
WHAT EVEN IS A WIFE?!
Okay I’m getting ahead of myself here, but you get the picture.
All I could think about was how short I come and how far I have to go. I had this idea of what a wife was supposed to be like, but I wasn’t her. (in the background it’s like ‘HELLO, Earth to Maggie: Leo didn’t give you a list of things to change before you can marry him!’ but that just didn’t quite register :)) Insecurities that I hardly realized were there rose to the surface. As my life merges with Leo’s, my strengths and weaknesses are coming with me.
This 6 month season has revealed more sin in my heart than I ever wanted to know was there. It has revealed tons of lies that I’ve believed. Uprooting those sins and lies is still in the works. The process has reminded me of a simple foundational truth: I am so imperfect; therefore, God is my only hope.
“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” rom 7:24-25
1 Peter 4:2 says: “live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God.” The passion of my flesh is what my sinful self wants to do. It says to focus on making myself perfect. But that’s not my purpose here. Looking to Jesus and walking in relationship with Him is God’s will. He will take care of the rest. “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” matt 6:33
That is where God is glorified; that is where we thrive.
I was living like there was a ball and chain dragging behind me. I wanted to be as “wife-material” as possible. I was desperately trying to grow myself. And I sure wasn’t resting in who I am in the Lord. As a result, I fell apart whenever I disappointed myself. That doesn’t sound much like freedom to me. Through conversations, the Bible, and prayer the Lord graciously helped me see that this was going on.
“You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you”
He is our light in a dark place. He is our strength!
“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.” micah 7:8
Freedom is found in Christ. Because of our shortcomings we can lift our empty hands to Him and admit that we can’t do it. Our struggles and imperfections bring us to His throne. They make us real people who need their Lord minute by minute. The Son of God lived a perfect life here on earth, and died for me so that I could have a relationship with Him. He died to cover my shortcomings!
“This breaking of you will be the making of you. A new you. A stronger you. Strengthened not with the pride of perfection, but with the sweet grace of one who knows an intimate closeness with her Lord.” -Lysa Terkeurst; Proverbs31Ministries
And that is my prayer. This new season of preparation is glorious and wonderful even in light of the hardship.
And I mean it’s pretty fun! Picking out a wedding dress, ordering invitations, choosing flowers! What’s even greater though is that The Lord is showing me incredible things. I know that He works all things for my good. His timing is perfect. He’s teaching me to trust Him with my growth. He’s got a plan that far exceeds mine.
Disclaimer: I’m having to remind myself of this quite often. This is no quick fix. Don’t think I’ve got it all under control now. I want you to think I do, but hahaha no! We can’t muster up enough power to thrive on our own. We have got to lean our full weight on Christ. Not so that we can be perfect, but so He can be glorified and we can know that intimate closeness with the Lord.
This is one of the most difficult seasons I’ve ever walked through, which may come as a surprise. But it is also the most fruitful season I’ve ever been blessed with. Thank You Lord for breaking me down and reminding me of what is true. Thank You for this really hard season because I’m learning to lean fully on You. Defining myself by some “wife-material” level or by my status as ‘engaged’ has seriously failed.. So thank You for satisfying me in Yourself and for saying ‘yes’ to my prayer for growth.
“‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness’. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 cor 12:9
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” james 1:2-3
Side Note: I asked God to grow me up and mature me last spring and then, oh I got engaged! And let’s just say He heard my prayer loud and clear. And I’m thankful for His response.
To Him be the glory.
-titled with “green sprout”
because God is faithfully pruning me,
growing me, and taking care of me
like He promised He would-